you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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