Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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