He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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