Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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