in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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