No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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