ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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