my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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