By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
