im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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