Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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