My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize