I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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