I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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