Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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