My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
