Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
