According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize