Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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