Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize