i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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