There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
