Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
