You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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