In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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