Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
