My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
