Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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