It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
