I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Randomize
