Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize