I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I believe in your delicious
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
