Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
