Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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