I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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