Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
