So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
