Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Can I color on your dick again?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
