I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
