last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Couch. On fire.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
