got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
