Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
