The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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