there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish you could order shots online.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
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drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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