His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
