Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
