So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
