quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
