Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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