Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
