At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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