News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
