My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
