is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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