Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
