I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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