you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
