If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
