keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
