He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
