It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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