you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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